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we're old now

It has been too long...

Despite the man's efforts to keep us down, we can't be stopped...expect regular postings soon after both Nick and I get back into the swing of things at school...

For now, please enjoy the review of the recently passed Summerslam. Faithfully submitted by friend of Sal's, Daniel "Chef Hat" Edelman:

Intercontinental Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) d. Dolph Ziggler.

This match was fantastic; whoever was in charge of booking Summerslam did a great job of having this as the curtain jerker. A solid match, with too many nearfalls to count, lots of big spots, and a good fast pace that is needed for a good opening match designed to heat up the crowd. I’ve read some reviews saying that it needed a bigger name in the opening bout, and being in California you don’t get much bigger in the wrestling world than Mysterio. Rey proved again that he can have a great entertaining match with just about anyone, but the success of this match cannot be put on the shoulders of Rey alone, as Ziggler (still wish he had a more marketable name) matched in my opinion the effort of Rey. The pace never slowed except for the necessary heel rest hold/submission spots. Ziggler turned an almost botched move into a great counter and his stressful acting made it believable as a young talent frustrated with not being able to get the win fast enough. The finish was great, it doesn’t need to be the textbook 619 West Coast Pop each time and the top rope hurricanrana was well executed. I would’ve loved to see Ziggler with the belt as winning at any of the big four Pay Per Views is always big, but Word has it Rey was promised a long Intercontinental Title Reign. Ziggler will get the belt at Breaking Point, so I’m not worried. He definitely must’ve turned some heads with this performance.

*** ¾

MVP d. Jack Swagger

I don’t know what it is, but these two do not mesh as well as I feel they should. The pre-match face-to-face interview was fantastic however. As for the match, something must’ve pissed off the crowd, because they were dead for most of this aside from the dick and pop spots from Swagger and MVP. MVP needs to work faster, I don’t like the slowness of his style, he needs to throw his punches faster and connect with moves smoother. Also some suplexes and a more diverse move set will be better since he used to do that circa 2006-07. The work of the match was alright, nothing special, and it honestly could’ve been seen on Raw. Overall just not too impressed, but I hold some faith that both of these guys will be in the main event picture soon. God knows that Raw needs fresh faces…not bearded wrinkling ones.

**

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: The Big Jerishow (c) d. Cryme Time

The Big Jerishow (The Y2J Show?; The Highlights and The Bald Man) came out to brand spanking new music which is light years greater than their recent mash up. Jericho cut a great promo as per the usual from the best wrestler alive today, although I don’t understand why they don’t want Big Show talking. Perhaps they are trying to build him up as a silent “Destroyer” as Jericho has recently eluded to him as. Big Show can talk and do it well, so this is just strange to me. The match was a good traditional tag match with the exception of the excellent finish. JTG hit all of his fun athletic moves, Jericho was his usual greatness, Big Show is showing why he is one of the best big men in the business, and Shad is improving despite the word going around a few months ago that he was completely clueless as to how to improve in the ring. I liked the verbal exchanges between Jericho and Show during the match with Show yelling for Jericho to “Go for walls”, good for tag partners to recognize when things are possible, it makes it seem as though they are more of a tag team than just two great singles competitors teaming up. The finish deserves a star all on its own. Jericho having JTG in the walls and then having the epic struggle for around 25 seconds in the walls of Jericho, finally breaking it at the ropes, and having Big show hit him with the knockout punch. Very surprising (how it was done, not the outcome) finish. Great effort by both teams, and it was obvious that Jerishow wouldn’t lose the titles yet. Reinvigorating the Tag division requires credibility, and Jericho and Show can do that.

**3/4

My god can CM Punk be a better heel? I think not…along with Jericho, the best performers in the WWE today.

Breaking Point could be decent, I just don’t see how having mostly submission matches works when there are damn near no submission grapplers left in the WWE. Swagger…time to step up.

Kane d. Khali

I cannot stress how puzzled I am that these two are on the card and Kofi/Bourne/Morrison were left off. Oh WWE, please start pushing the guys that deserve it. Although as I think about it now I realize the reason to have them on the card is to influence more Indian buys since the guy is Huge there. Ranjin could be better used with another wrestler, he is a great manager. Alright what do I say about this match. Kane tried…I feel bad for him, but I liked the dropkick and DDT finish, so it wasn’t miserable.

½*

Hey celebrities…yay. They all have kids, no wonder they’re at Summerslam.

D-Generation X d. Legacy

WOW…what a fucking entrance. I’ll be another to say that DX is way past its usage, but this was a very elaborate entrance. As for the match, another awesome showing here at Summerslam. Both teams delivered great performances. DX, despite how old they are can obviously still put on great matches, hell it is Triple H and Shawn Michaels. Legacy met DX and sold everything beautifully. I was very happy that this was not a squash but rather a very even match. Lots of tag team wrestling here, lots of nearfalls, a good fast pace, great chemistry, and a great ending. I liked the attempt at stealing the elbow drop by Rhodes, as well as both teams trying to cheat their way to victory at the end of the match. There was great storytelling here as well. From the beat down on Raw, Rhodes and Dibiase kept their momentum throughout this match with excellent fast tag team wrestling. Every time DX attempted to mount an offense they were almost immediately shut down and the in and out of Legacy’s tags kept them fresh while keeping DX worn down. Shawn hitting the Sweet Chin Music (god it was awesome seeing that again, always great when it comes out of nowhere). After both guys got up at the count of nine was a great finish. Fantastic match, and nice to see WWE might be serious about tag team wrestling again.

***3/4

ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. William Regal.

Christian hits the Killswitch after 7 seconds. Do not have storyline angles take place on pay per view unless they are a part of the match (Austin aligning with Vince at WM17). No NO NOOO! Worthless, Christian deserves better

N/A

WWE Championship: Randy Orton(c) vs. John Cena

Where oh where do I start with this little gem. I guess I’ll begin with what my mind has drawn up as the creative meting when discussing how this match was going to be planned out:

Vince: Alright we have our two most popular guys, aside from Triple H, going against each other. What sort of twists can we add to this? Ideas people…ideas damn it!

Creative Guy 1: Hmmm, well how about we have King and Cole announce prior to the match that it is now a No disqualification match.

Vince: That’s fucking horrible…you’re fired.

Creative Guy 2: How about we have Orton Get disqualified by hitting the ref?

Vince: Not bad…anything else?

Creative Guy 3: How about we have Randy get counted out?

Vince: Again we’re going in the right direction here?

Creative Guy 4: Why don’t we have the match restart several times canceling out the prior disqualification, allowing Randy to try and cheat every which way he can? Then we have Lillian Garcia mess up her announcement of the winner, and let’s have Ted’s little brother run in and look like a fan is interfering.

Vince: Hmm…that doesn’t make sense…let’s do it.

My god, this was horrible. There was maybe eighteen minutes of actual wrestling, and it may have not even been that much because let’s face it, when Randy wrestles it feels like the match goes on forever. Can someone replace him as the top heel, he is so boring. I understand that heels are allowed to work a slower pace because they are the “bad guys” but come on, if I wanted to watch someone walk in circles, stare and make rude facial features at the crowd, and hit maybe a few strikes or 1 move per minute, well then I would watch Randy Orton, which is something I don’t like doing. The multiple restarts were miserably done, Lillian fucked up, and none of this made sense.

** (For the actual wrestling)

World Heavyweight Championship: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk

The build up to this match has been fantastic. I love Punk’s character, he is so good on the mic that it doesn’t matter that Jeff can’t talk. Jeff has always been one to let his actions speak for him. Punk and he can both go in the ring like no one else, so this was a treat. This was the first TLC match in a while too (well ladder matches here and there which all end up using tables and chairs) so this was a nice change. Specialty matches are special…and should be kept that way by not being overused. JR’s comment when he came back from not having a working headset was great: “Well I’d like to know what you said, I’m sure it was really good.” The crowd hates Punk, good…they should that’s how he was built. Punk played this match smart, he tried early on to get Hardy out of the ring and get up a ladder as soon as possible. Just like a dick heel should. Both of these guys are professionals when it comes to ladders. Jeff is obvious, it basically built his career, and CM Punk won both of his World Titles because of Money in the Bank. Wow the spots in this match were brutal, innovative and classic use of the ladder here, along with the tables and chairs. The attempted whisper in the wind turned into a slam onto the chair back looked brutal. Punk throwing the ladder at Hardy was great. It’s a heavy object…it makes sense that it would hurt having it thrown into you. Great athleticism by both guys here, lots of flying and high risk. The superplex off the top onto the ladder was cringe-inducing, it looked so painful. Punk’s selling on that was beautiful, as he almost looked to be in more pain than Hardy. The Swanton off the tallest fucking ladder ever onto the announce table (sadly not Spanish announce table) was unbelievable. Jeff wailing on punk with everything in sight and leading to possible the tallest Swanton ever was amazing. Jeff you are a crazy man. Grisham’s reaction was…and I can’t believe I’m typing this…great. Punk’s face after the spot when they are about to climb the ladder was so appropriate: utter pain and disbelief that Jeff was walking. Punk is hopping up the ladder with only one good leg, both are duking it out at the top, Punk kicks Hardy off and grabs the belt. My God, thank you CM Punk, Thank you Jeff, that was amazing.

****1/2

Post match Punk stands over Hardy…the lights flicker, gong rings, light go out, and Undertaker has returned in the place of Jeff Hardy. Chokeslam to Punk, and Undertaker is back in all his glory. Undertaker walks up the ramp as the flames ignite, and that’s all folks.

Overall a fantastic show, I’ve seen three Pay-Per Views this year, and this was without a doubt the best. Wrestlemania had Taker/Michaels, and that is my favorite match of all time, but this was just overall a better show. 3 Great matches accompanied by a lot of great wrestling.

Thanks again to Dan. Expect big things quite soon.

I'll Bet You Thought We Were Gone

So, you're you, as you always are. It's another cheerful Saturday of youness when you decide to hit the computer for some whimsical computing. Because you are one of perhaps thirty people or less with firsthand knowledge of how awesome men like Big Boutros and [Redacted Explosion] are, you click on over to http://www.thestache.blogspot.com, one of the finest vestiges of quality literature on the intertubes.

But what's this?

It's gone! Sal Fasano's Magickal All Stars has vanished! Someone, somewhere, in the darkest chasm of Google, a jealous employee destroyed all two years of our hard work.

Well, don't fret. Here we are, stronger than ever, better than ever, slightly more literate than ever, and with a better url to boot! If, for whatever reason, you are tempted to revisit the old digs, you can still access The Stache through Google Cache here.

Expect excellence.